I hate having to do this, but I feel it is an important thing to do in order to set boundaries that make me feel emotionally safe. I will still allow, for now, anonymous comments on my blog, but I want to make you aware that I will delete any comments I deem to be innapropriate in any way. I received a comment on a recent post that I did not appreciate, and if I continue to receive similar comments, I may moderate comments or even disallow them altogether, which I would hate to do because I appreciate all but one comment that has been made on my blog up to this point.
I made a response to the commenter on the relevant post, but I also want to share a few general comments here to let you know what type of comments I would and would not appreciate.
1) Please remember that even a very long blog post will never contain all my thoughts on an issue, and while I appreciate anything you may have to add to my perspective, please do not assume that you know more about my situation than you really do. If you're wondering something, feel free to ask me a question in a non-accusatory way.
2) Don't tell me what to do. Suggestions and advice are fine (especially if I've asked a question), but please word them as such. Writing something as a command, particularly when it involves labeling me with a negative behavior, is not something I will tolerate in the comments section of my blog.
3) Be respectful of my relationship with God. It may differ from yours; you may be completely areligious. Fine. But I take my relationship with God seriously and any reference to my God on this blog should be made with respect, even if it is not made with your personal belief.
4) Avoid short, simplistic explanations of people's motives for complex behavior. Any behavior often relates to many factors. Pornography use is based on a lot of factors. If there was one discrete solution to pornography use that was in the hands of the spouse of the user (as a comment someone made suggested) there would be a lot less blogs like this by wives like me. Please realize that comments in which you tell me I am empowered to do something to fully eradicate my husband's pornography use suggests that I am, to some extent, to blame for it. If you believe this, I recommend a 12-step program for loved ones of addicts. I'm not far in myself, but I've learned enough to know that this is not true.
5) If you do not feel generally positive toward me in any way after reading something I write, I would suggest you not leave a comment. I do not expect you to agree with me on everything, or empathize with what I'm going through, or even understand it all. But if you think I'm making choices that reflect bad qualities on my part, that will likely be reflected in the comment you made, and that type of comment will not be helpful to me. If you care about me and recognize areas in which I can improve, even if you give me suggestions for change, the care you feel will likely be reflected in your writing and be a much more powerful source of influence on me than your derision.
I was hoping to find an email address so I could send this privately, but as I don't I will post this here - I remember early in this problem (10+ years ago) I strongly believed that if you did XYZ you could fix the problem, it wasn't until completing the 12 step program a couple times that I saw that I was wrong. Very wrong, I love what you post, I love your strength! And I totally understand if you want to delete this comment - like I said I would have sent it as an email :) you are amazing, with love,
ReplyDeleteLetsy
Thanks for your comment. It is very reassuring. I do have an email address on the second paragraph of my side bar. It's hard to see because I spelled out "at" in an effort to avoid spam (don't know how much of a difference that makes though).
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