What H has been up to

In my last post, I invited readers to ask questions to guide my next few posts. Thank you to those who asked questions---they were all good, and answering them has been a helpful activity for me. My responses are pretty long, so I'm going to break them up a little and publish new posts answering them every day or so. 

Question: Has your husband talked with anyone else about the addiction? Is he willing to do so? That is something that has been helpful for both my husband and me. For him, it has been helpful to connect with other addicts and know he's not alone. And for me, it has helped to not be the only person he discloses things to, not to be my husband's only or primary support.

Yes. And it has also been our experience that him talking to others has, overall, been helpful. Since disclosing to me, I have asked him to disclose information to various people in various settings. Thus far, he has chosen to comply with my requests (I know because I was there for most of the disclosures and received confirmation from the involved parties in the cases I was not).

I have asked my husband to disclose a summary of his addiction-related behaviors (dishonesty, pornography use, and infidelity) to his parents and siblings over the phone (they all live out of state).

I have asked him to disclose detailed information about his addiction to his therapist. He has been seeing a therapist for depression for several months, but hadn't told her anything related to his pornography use, acting out, or dishonesty.

I asked my husband to meet with the bishop with me. I had already met with the bishop once by myself and shared detailed information about his behavior. When we met with the bishop together, his behavior was discussed openly.

I asked my husband to begin meeting with an addiction support group and he is currently meeting weekly with Sex Addicts Anonymous and finding it extremely relevant and useful.

He tried meeting with a Sexaholics Anonymous group, but because it was an extremely small group and the few members are struggling with recovery, he did not find it helpful, and I am ok with him not continuing to attend that group.

I have asked him to try going to an LDS ARP meeting and that will probably happen next week. Due to some extenuating circumstances in our family life, it didn't work out for this week.

So for or now, he will be meeting with an addiction recovery group 1-2 times a week, meeting with his therapist 1-2 times a week (once it is fall, that will probably go down to just once a week), and we have plans to meet with the bishop together at least one more time. (This is huge given that he has not been active in the church for 2.5 years and says he has no belief in God.)

In addition, I have asked him to attend Sacrament meeting with me and our children and so far he is complying. Those are the big things he is doing. He also is reading some books I have asked him to. When I sleep at home, I am still in my own bedroom. I have no plans to change that anytime in the foreseeable future; in fact, when I have time and energy, I work on getting more settled into my private room and making it comfortable for me. I believe I will be sleeping at friend's houses often still in the foreseeable future.

I plan on posting another Q/A over the weekend, and if you have other questions, feel free to ask!